


Soldiers and lovers

by Howling_Harpy



Category: Band of Brothers (TV 2001)
Genre: Banter, Daydreaming, Drama & Romance, Fluff, Friendship, Gay solidarity, Kissing, M/M, Miscommunication, Mutual Pining, Plans For The Future, Romantic Gestures, Unresolved Romantic Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-24
Updated: 2021-01-24
Packaged: 2021-03-17 03:27:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,697
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28967574
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Howling_Harpy/pseuds/Howling_Harpy
Summary: In Austria it's been three months since Ed said goodbye to Tom when he left for his furlough back in the States. There hasn't been a word since, and he can't help but to worry if they are still going to feel the same when they finally see each other again.Ron lends a sympathetic ear to Ed who needs to figure out a way to fully express his feelings to Tom once he gets back.
Relationships: Carwood Lipton/Ronald Speirs, Edward Shames & Ronald Speirs, Thomas Peacock/Edward Shames
Comments: 9
Kudos: 27





	Soldiers and lovers

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Arwen88](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arwen88/gifts).



> This fic was born out of a prompt Arwy threw my way when we agreed on a little fic exchange. She wrote for me, and here I am, writing for her about her current rarepair obsession. I got actually really into this fic, which is why it stretched this long, but I am really glad I wrote this. It was really fun to build character and relationships so freely, and I am quite happy with the end result.
> 
> This is probably the fluffiest fic I have ever written in my life and I can only hope it satifies my audience of one and her sweet tooth. I really had to leave my comfort zone to be this soft, you know. 
> 
> Say hello to background speirton. It's there because I need it to live actually. 
> 
> I hope you have fun with this fic! Please consider kudos and a comment once you're done. <3
> 
> *
> 
>  **Disclaimer:** This is a piece of fiction based on the HBO drama series and the actors' portrayals in it. This has nothing to with any real person represented in the series and means no disrespect.

Kaprun was like something straight out of a story book. It was a valley hidden in the arms of the Alps, centred around a heartbreakingly beautiful lake so perfectly blue it was like a piece of the sky. The town itself consisted of buildings with decorative wooden pillars and steep roofs, the entirety of it like from a postcard.

During the hellish winter and the chilly, muddy spring it had felt like summer would never come, but here it was, and it was warm, quiet and more beautiful than anything anyone had seen in years.

After all those bombed out cities, endless pothole-filled roads, tent villages and miserable, miserable trekking through ruined lands, Kaprun’s beauty made the soul rest, and Ed Shames enjoyed just looking at it.

Luckily Hotel Kaprun had many balconies, because many people before had had the urge to behold the alpine beauty too, and simply sitting out on one was one of the favourite pastimes for Ed. 

He didn’t have to do it alone either, because while Ron Speirs aimed to run a tight ship, the men were kept busy by mostly taking care of themselves, and there was not that much else to do. Sergeants ran the occasional patrols and everyone understood the meaning of guard duty, but the threat level was so low and the men so many there simply wasn’t much to do most of the time. 

So as a platoon leader, Ed didn’t have a terrible lot to do, and as the company CO Ron was left with mostly the duty of answering the phone or being locatable to a runner, which he executed perfectly from a sun lounger at a balcony with Ed.

“You should talk to him,” Ed said while tipping the wine bottle over his teacup, filling it to the brim.

Ron made a disgruntled noise while offering his cup at the same time. “He’s married,” he said for the umpteenth time.

Ed scoffed and refilled Ron’s cup. “I said talk to him, not walk up to him and grab him by his cock.” 

Ron hummed and took his now full cup to his lips. “Well in that case, I do talk to him very often. Daily, even. What I don’t do is touch said married man inappropriately.”

“Even though you want to,” Ed needled.

“Even though I want to,” Ron agreed.

Ed gave him a flat look. Ron sunbathing was an amusing sight, stripped down to the waist and aviator sunglasses on, a porcelain teacup decorated with delicate little pink roses filled with wine or rum or cherry in hand, and begrudgingly talking about his lovesickness. 

He had sunbathed enough in the past weeks that he had gone from dead-fish pale to bronzed, and he wasn’t bad to look at, even if he wasn’t Ed’s type exactly. 

Ed clicked his tongue at his friend, set the wine bottle on the hardwood floor and relaxed back into his own sun lounger. It was absolutely divine to enjoy the burn of the midday sun when just a few months ago he hadn’t believed he would ever be warm again.

“I don’t get you in this,” he said. “You should just go for it. If you want it, you got to make a move.”

Ron made a silly, disagreeing ‘bleh’ of a sound. Being sweet on someone did strange things to him, like turn him sweet and sour and the same time. “Unprofessional,” he simply said.

“Who cares?” Ed laughed. “No, let me tell you what is unprofessional. It’s unprofessional how you pine, whine and moan and steal glances at him like a Victorian maiden. To start caring about morals now is a weirdly self-destructive thing to do, my friend.”

Ron tipped the teacup back and downed the wine in one go. “If I did make a move, you’d lose your favorite pastime of bullying me about this, and what kind of a friend would I be if I did that?” 

“A friend who’d get laid and maybe unwind a bit,” Ed snarked, and the remark made Ron snort. 

Ron was feeling about the floor near his lounger and looking for a bottle until he found his stash, selected the dark rum bottle and tipped himself off. “Perhaps I just enjoy looking at him.”

“You’re pining. You’re pining so hard, you just want to stare into those pretty brown eyes and then climb that man like a tree, and if you say anything else that makes you a damn dirty liar.”

“Ah, but it’s you who likes pretty, not me,” Ron pointed out. 

Ed could have gone for the obvious opening of Ron not denying anything he had just accused him of, but the mention of his own situation hit a bit too close to home and suddenly he didn’t feel like needling Ron about Lieutenant Lipton anymore. May was already well along and not a word had come to him, no news, no letter, no nothing, and that made the tender part of his heart ache.

He sighed. “Yeah, it’s a real weakness.” 

Ron didn’t move, but he could tell he was glancing towards him behind the sunglasses. There was not even a ripple in his expression, but Ed could tell he was feeling sympathetic from how the air shifted around him. 

“He’ll come back,” Ron reassured him. “Or at least write to you eventually. You know how these things go, paperwork is slow, transfers process even slower, we’re on the move and our mail is delayed… Maybe he simply hasn’t had the time. Hell, you don’t know. What you do know is what he said before he left.” 

“Yeah. Thanks, Ron,” Ed said but set his teacup down. He stretched out in the sun and got more comfortable in the luxurious velvet pillows the sun loungers had and tried to take comfort in his friend’s words. 

Lieutenant Nixon had rather stayed behind to play house with Captain Winters back in the Bois Jaques forest, and the prize ticket home for the successful defence had trickled down and happened on Lieutenant Peacock. It had been like a blessing from God Himself at the time, nothing short of a miracle that plucked one of the battered bastards out of the frozen over hell and shipped him back home.

Lieutenant Shames would never admit to anything except relief and happiness when the news had gotten to him and he had gone to shake Lieutenant Peacock’s hand in congratulations, wishing a fellow platoon leader all the luck back at home. Even if that had been all right and good, and Lieutenant Shames had done the decent thing and said his goodbyes to Lieutenant Peacock, that didn’t take away from the fact that the one Ed was really saying goodbye to was Tom. 

His Tom. 

And now, months after that gift from above, Ed was still waiting for his Tom to return. Hell, at that point he would have taken just a short letter from him and called it a blessing. He would have taken anything really, any piece of news. 

It had been so long, and even though Austria was nothing short of a paradise and sunbathing on the balcony of a fancier hotel than Ed had ever seen felt just a little bit lesser without Tom there with him. 

“He’s not dead. I would have heard,” Ron had said the first time Ed had mentioned that he didn’t know where his boy was, or when or if he would join them again. It might have been typical of Ron, the cold bastard he was, but in that moment Ed had nearly decked his buddy for even uttering that D word he dreaded. 

Back on the balcony in Kaprun Ed let that dread crawl back to him. “You haven’t heard anything, have you?” he asked.

“Not a peep,” Ron replied, not unsympathetically. “Look, I’m sure he’s just fine. He’s just gotten held up. You know how army works, they don’t care about returning men where they were taken, even though in my opinion they should. There’s a high chance of just getting assigned somewhere else if you don’t take care of it yourself.”

“He wouldn’t,” Ed sighed bitterly. “Tom is too nice. If some fancy doctor or a superior officer tells him to stay put, he’s gonna do just that.”

“That is not a bad trait,” Ron pointed out diplomatically.

“No, it’s adorable,” Ed sighed. “But I thought he’d… I just thought he’d at least write to me if he got held up.” 

Ron was quiet for a few beats. “I’m sure he will.” 

“Are you though?” Ed challenged and fixed Ron with a sharp look.

His demand didn’t catch Ron off guard, it never did and for that Ed was grateful. Ron simply let his head loll languidly on his shoulder and looked back at him over the rims of the sunglasses. “I would bet money on that. Peacock is one of those who wears his heart on his sleeve, and I didn’t take him for the fickle type either.”

It was a fair take. Ed considered it and then nodded. “Alright, so I’m worrying over nothing. Doesn’t change the fact that I miss him.”

“Now there I won’t argue,” Ron said in a deep, guttural sigh that needlessly underlined his own pains.

Ed gave a sympathizing laugh and leaned to bump Ron on the arm with his fist.

“You have an unfortunate taste in men, my friend,” he said.

“Uh-huh,” Ron scoffed and passed the rum bottle.

*

When the word should have come, it didn’t. 

Ed just happened to be walking through the yard of the building their battalion command was set up in, on his way back to his platoon to hold an inspection. They were still waiting for orders, but Ed liked to be prepared and even though it was valuable to let the men unwind, he wouldn’t let them forget that they were still on duty and that there would eventually be a new mission for them.

There was a supply truck parked on the yard and men from the second platoon were emptying it while taking inventory, and Ed paid them only a glance in passing, but as he did so his eyes happened on the shining brown waves of someone’s hair, and he stilled immediately.

There, in the warm May sun in crisp, pressed trousers, a clean shirt and with his face cleanshaven and the waves of his hair combed neatly, stood Tom with a clipboard and a pen in hand. He was giving orders to his platoon while pursing his lips at the inventory list that for one reason or the other displeased him.

He was a vision but at the same time simply carrying out his duty as if he hadn’t been gone a day, and Ed was so completely taken by surprise that he blurted out: “Tommy?!” 

Tom’s entire being snapped up straight when he was called like that, the relaxed tilt of his pelvis gone when he stood up so rigidly he was almost at attention, and peeked at Ed over his clipboard. Their eyes met, but the joyful bubbling of Ed’s mood seized when instead of familiar mirth he got back a frown. 

Slowly Tom relaxed again and lowered the clipboard, then glanced at his subordinates who were barely paying any mind to Ed. Just one of them glanced at Tom and then Ed before going back to the truck to receive another box of supplies. 

Ed approached. “Sorry, it slipped,” he explained and watched how the creases vanished from Tom’s face. “I just didn’t know you were back yet. I wasn’t expecting you.”

“It’s alright, Shames. I got back the day before yesterday,” Tom answered, still glancing to his men who were no longer paying attention. “I thought it better to get right back to work. It turns out there’s a lot of it, what we receive doesn’t match what we should be getting at all, and it needs sorting out. I would have said hello already, but since this is my expertise, it took priority.” 

“Yeah, I know. We’re at the bottom of the supply chain,” Ed replied thoughtlessly. He knew they were getting less supplies than they should since everyone before them helped themselves to them, it wasn’t a great mystery and they would simply have to make do even if Major Winters spent his afternoons chewing out some other commander on the phone. Ed didn’t care about counting the boxes or arranging the goods in them, what he cared about was Tom, back and right in front of him but for some unfathomable reason not in his arms.

Tom lowered his eyes and pressed the clipboard against his chest. “So I’ve been told. There’s a lot I need to be filled in, but I’m doing my best. Supplies might be boring to someone like you, but that’s why I’m here. I’ll see to the basics so that the rest can happen,” he said with conviction. 

“Sure,” Ed agreed, his eyes still more focused on how smooth and perfectly chocolate brown Tom’s hair actually was. In the misery of Bastogne he had forgotten it, seen it grow dark with grime and matted under the helmet, and then the man had been gone. It felt like he had sent Tom off to heaven, and now he had descended back to Earth once again pure and golden and beautiful. “We already know about the supplies, you shouldn’t worry too much about them. Speirs is already seeing to the matter.”

“Oh,” Tom said, glancing briefly to the growing pile of boxes. 

He didn’t look too happy, Ed noted, and his own joy was tarnished by uncertainty. Tom was looking like a dream, and Ed was distracted by how he had rolled up his sleeves in the summer heat and undone the two top buttons of his shirt so that he could see the tempting little dip in the middle of his collar bones, but even if he was all but marvelling at him, Tom didn’t seem to be returning the sentiment.

Ed was concerned. As happy a surprise as this was, it wasn’t at all what he had imagined. During countless nights (and days and mornings and evenings) Ed had imagined a dozen different scenarios of Tom coming back, and in every single one he came straight to him.

He had imagined a knock on his door late in the evening, or Tom striding to the balcony he liked to sunbathe at to report to Captain Speirs. He had imagined opening the door and have Tom giving him one of his adorable, slightly shy smiles before throwing himself into his arms, staggering back into his room and pulling him straight to bed. He had lingered on the image of Tom throwing a lazy salute at Ron and slipping right into Ed’s lap after, curling against him to enjoy the sun without a care in the world.

He had imagined holding him in his arms again, pressing his face into his clean shirt and then nuzzling against his neck, breathing him in and feeling his slender form again, imagined Tom whispering a choked back “I missed you” while wrapping his arms tightly around him and letting himself be held. 

What he hadn’t imagined was just running into him at work and finding out he had been back for two days already, getting a frown for addressing him familiarly in front of his men and then doing stilted conversation about supplies with a clipboard held up between them like a shield. 

Ed fully understood that he couldn’t exactly catch Tom in his arms in the middle of the yard under the watchful eyes of the entire battalion, no matter how much he wanted to and how little he cared, but he had expected at least one of Tom’s bright smiles. But then again, it had been some time and Tom had always been reserved like that, so Ed wasn’t going to hold it against him.

“Are you planning on spending a lot of time on these?” Ed asked, gesturing at the boxes and the truck impatiently. “I could wait and then we could walk back to the Hotel Kaprun together, then join the other officers there.” _Or more like not join anyone except each other in the biblical sense_ , he thought but didn’t say.

Tom gave an uncomfortable shrug. “Well, I don’t know,” he started, “These need to be counted and stored, and I would like to write a proper report on the situation too. I thought I’d take a look on the previous reports too, and then see if our storages are in order. I might also need to visit the kitchens to discuss what they need so that I can put a proper suggestion forward, so…” 

Ed’s mood soured quickly. “Alright, duty first. Perhaps I’ll see you in the evening then.”

“Maybe,” Tom vaguely said without meeting his eyes.

“Alright,” Ed agreed again. “See you later, Peacock.” 

Tom didn’t say anything back, just turned back to the now empty truck to signal it to leave, then focused on the boxes with his platoon. 

*

Ed jumped up the steps of the hotel three at the time.

“Ron!” he called out long before he reached the correct floor or could even be sure his friend was there. “Ron! We have a bone to pick!” 

Ron hadn’t been in his office, his room or the hotel bar, and the last place to look for him was the hill-side balcony. 

The doors to the balcony were open, the light summer breeze dancing in the ornate silk curtains, and Ed stormed right through them, already earing his grievance: “Ronald Speirs, when did you plan to tell me that my – Oh, hello, Second Lieutenant.”

Ron was on the balcony, but he wasn’t alone. He was sitting on the railing and right next to him was Lieutenant Lipton, barely a foot away from him and casually leaning his hip against the railing. The atmosphere was clearly friendly and not official, but as soon as Ed happened upon it, Lipton stood up straight and put his hands behind his back.

“Lieutenant Shames,” Lipton greeted back politely, while next to him Ron gave Ed an exasperated look with his mouth pressed into a white line. 

“I didn’t realize you had a meeting,” Ed offered into the pending awkwardness. He glanced at Ron’s equally frustrated and pleading expression and offered: “I can come back later?”

But instead of taking advantage of the offer, Lipton simply smiled kindly and shook his head. “No need, we were just talking. Please, tend to your problem, I’ll make myself useful elsewhere. See you later, Speirs.”

“Lieutenant Lipton,” Ron acknowledged coolly, quickly schooling his face back to neutral when Lipton made to turn towards him. 

Ed stepped aside to let Lipton past him, then turned back to Ron just to see how longingly he stared after him. They stood in silence until Lipton was safely out of the hearing range, then Ron sighed heavily and hopped down from the railing.

“What?” he asked Ed as he stepped across the floor and sat down heavily on a sun lounger. 

“So you did take my advice and talked to him?” Ed asked, pointing over his shoulder with his thumb where Lipton had gone. “Good for you.”

“I am certainly trying,” Ron answered pointedly. “What did you want to fight with me about?” 

Ed remembered his own grievance in a flash, but his previous irritation was gone and left was only the worry that had been sparked back at the yard. “Why didn’t you tell me Tom was back? He reported to you and you gave him orders, but you didn’t mention anything to me?! He’s been back for two days!” He twisted his hands anxiously and glared at Ron, who simply looked back at him dully with his brows slightly raised. It wasn’t that surprising as spending time with Lipton always left him scatter-brained and lethargic with yearning, which in turn made Ed curious about the development: “How’d talking with Lipton go, by the way?”

“Oh, I’m trying to be friendly and just enjoy his company like you told me to,” Ron replied vaguely. “But nevermind that, yes, I know Peacock is back, but I didn’t think I would need to tell you anything. I thought he’d run straight back to you, so I didn’t expect to see you at all yesterday. You only just now found out?” 

Ed’s worry grew. He was confused now, which in turn marked the return of irritation. He wrung his hands and crossed his arms and started to pace the balcony floor. “You look like talking to him makes you feel worse, actually,” Ed commented on Ron, who just gave another heavy sigh and lay down on the lounger. “Yeah, I ran into Tom receiving the supplies. It was… weird. That wasn’t how I imagined our reunion would go at all! He just talked about the supplies and things I already know, and when I tried to ask him to come back with me, he just listed a ton of other things he was about to do. He could easily delegate those, but he insisted on staying back and doing them himself.” 

Ron’s gaze followed him as he paced, and there was a wrinkle between his brows as he listened. “Well there is actual work to do here. He could just be making up for being gone for so long, it’s not necessarily anything to do with you. I wouldn’t worry about it.” It was a solid argument, but despite his attentive eyes, Ron sounded absent and gave another heavy sigh.

Ed threw him an unimpressed look. “You definitely need to do more than talk to him. I wouldn’t have recommended you do that if I had known it would make you like this.”

Ron smiled reluctantly and tilted his face towards the sun, closing his eyes. “I know. Almost took my own advice and blew him right here,” he said. “But let’s focus on you and your relationship that actually exists. You know just as well as I do that Peacock is skittish and a bit uncertain. You know my opinion of his combat skills well enough.” 

Despite his stress, Ed huffed a laugh. “Definitely do not surprise your Lieutenant with a blowjob. He would just take it wrong,” he said, then grew serious again. “Not everyone can be like you, assembled in a secret army lab from corpse parts purely for war. I prefer him alive anyway, I don’t need him to be anything more for the army.” He paused, his thoughts wandering back to combat and to the past winter so cruel he could still feel its echo in his bones even here under the loving scourge of Austrian sun. 

Ed recalled how Tom had been there, winding tighter and tighter like a spring, trying harder and harder and just tying himself up in tighter knots while at it. Saying goodbye to him and facing Bastogne alone had been painful, but Ed would have chosen that a thousand times over keeping Tom there in the frozen hell with him. 

“I don’t want him to be anything for the army. I don’t want him to be a war hero or an admired leader or collect medals or anything like that. I just want him for me,” Ed grumbled and finally stopped pacing, letting himself collapse at the foot of the same chair Ron was lounging in. He leaned his elbows on his knees and put his face in his hands. “You don’t think he’s avoiding me, do you?” 

For a moment Ron didn’t say anything, and while Ed appreciated his honest consideration more than empty pleasantries or assurances, it made the anxiety in the pit of his stomach roll and his heart sink. 

“Just because he didn’t jump your bones the second he was within range doesn’t mean he’s avoiding you,” Ron pointed out rationally, and Ed clung to it for dear life. “Why would he be avoiding you?”

“I don’t know,” Ed confessed. His nerves were getting the better of him, something that happened rarely anywhere else except in the matters of the heart, and it felt like the weakness was making up in intensity for lack of it anywhere else. “It’s been over three months, he’s had time to think. He’s seen home, met his family, been around polite society. Maybe he has… simply come to his senses.” 

The truth was that he hadn’t really considered it before, but now the more he thought, the more anxious thoughts flourished in his mind and the deeper his heart sank heavy with doubt and, most embarrassing of all, fear.

“Maybe he’s realized that there’s a life for him beyond war. Maybe he snapped out of whatever madness this is and is now too sweet to let me know that we’re… Maybe he met someone back home, some nice Christian girl his mama picked out for him and now he’s engaged and off to marry and have babies and I’m just a burden to be kicked off – “

“Okay, stop that,” Ron interrupted, and Ed took a deep, calming breath gratefully. He was getting ahead of himself, he knew, and having his flood of paranoia interrupted by a friend was a blessing. He pat Ron’s shin for thanks.

Ron hummed at the touch, then went on: “I can’t say I know him very well, but one look at him tells me he's not about to run into the arms of a woman any time soon. You should know that much.” There was a suggestive note in Ron’s voice, and Ed hated him a little.

Now was not the time to think just how surely he knew what Tom liked, and those were things no woman could offer. But who knew, he knew better than most what people were willing to do to fit in, ready to deny country, faith and self if it just meant a moment of peace. He knew unfortunately well how being out in the open as anything other than the one single approved standard would come to bite one back, his own skin thickened against the mean teeth of more than one type of remark. 

But then again, the way Tom had responded to him so readily, and how greedy but sweet and affectionate he was in the determined way he sought out things that gave him pleasure spoke of a special type of self-possession. Even when he preferred to spread his legs and receive, there was a realized confidence in the way Tom guided Ed’s hands on him, put them surely on his hips or guided them to hold his thighs. There was no shame or fear in the way he would turn to look over his shoulder when on all fours and openly ask Ed to take him in a certain way, to hold him against him or touch him. 

Ron kicked Ed in his back with his knee. “Whatever you’re thinking, stop it. If you pop a boner, I’m not helping you out with that.”

Ed snapped out of his daydream even when it meant returning to his heavy worries. “Doesn’t brotherhood mean anything to you, Speirs? Someone as terrible a flirt as you should take what he can,” he threw back.

“My heart belongs to another, you deviant,” Ron said with a slight grin, but when Ed glanced at him, there was a distantly dreamy look on him too. 

Ed laughed and jostled Ron right back. “Alright, maybe it’s not that,” he admitted. “But then again… Maybe it's not him, maybe it’s me. Maybe he had time to think, or maybe we were just separated for too long and now he’s just… Done with me.”

“And too kind to say it?” Ron filled in his doubts for him.

“Yeah. Maybe he’s hoping I do it for him, or that neither one of us says anything at all. Maybe he doesn’t think we had anything at all, just that we hooked up a few times and now he has better things to do.”

Ron didn’t argue right away, and again while Ed appreciated how he wasted no time with useless comforts and never lied or spoke anything that he didn’t mean, he found he desperately wanted to be told that it wasn’t so now. That he was worrying about nothing, that Tom was still his Tom and that he could still be with him, enjoy his beautiful body and bask in his attention and affection and receive his sweet kisses and make him laugh and keep giving him gifts and have his company desired in return. 

His heart gave a painful lurch when he thought all that might be in the past now. 

“I think you should ask him,” Ron said after a pause. “And, if you care about my opinion at all, I don’t think Peacock is that considerate of your feelings, he’d tell you the truth. I understand your doubt and fear, but he’s been back for only two days, he actually is busy, and you are simply adding up your own doubts and worries and piling them on him.”

Ed frowned and narrowed his eyes at Ron, who was now looking back at him. His friend gave him half a shrug.

“You are kind of intense, you know. You would rush into the arms of a lover after three months and condemn yourself into seven kinds of hell and invent a couple of new sins while at it. Peacock might need some time to come around,” Ron pointed out.

“Damn, it must suck to believe in hell,” Ed pointed out, making Ron bark a laugh. “Not that you care.”

“I better not believe, I’m not going upwards in any case,” Ron mused back with a lopsided smile tugging at the corner up his mouth.

Ed wouldn’t argue the case, and Ron had brought him slight comfort so that was all fine. He relaxed back into the same chair even when Ron gave a disgruntled groan when he lay half on him. 

“This just isn’t how I imagined it going. And it’s not just in my head, either. I have to come up with something and make this thing clear up before I can bring up the subject I want to talk about,” Ed said towards the blue summer sky.

“That would be wise,” Ron agreed. “You’ll do fine. If anything, I think Peacock is even more prone than you to get lost in his own head, so you just be your own direct self and you can clear things up.”

“I hope so,” Ed said. “He’s very thoughtful and sensitive, actually. And the truth is that I don’t know him that well.”

“You know him biblically,” Ron pointed out.

“You told me not to pop a boner, so shut up,” Ed told and reached back to swat at Ron, who let out a hissing snigger at his own jab. “No, I meant that we met just before the campaign in Holland, and after that he’s been gone for three months. Besides, it’s not like this war business is great for socializing, so I know almost nothing about his civilian life.”

Ron made a contemplative noise. “Is that important?”

Ed clicked his tongue. “Of course it is! You are a weird sort of a romantic. You think all there is to love is the battlefield and some ancient bond between warriors and you don’t care about anything else.”

“Don’t get me started on Alexander the Great, you will not survive that lecture,” Ron mused, but didn’t argue Ed’s point. “Besides, I do care. I care if they are married.”

“Many guys are married,” Ed pointed out like he had a dozen times before. He and Ron had both witness many such married guys snooping around their kinds of establishments or cosying up to a buddy, but here the issue was of different sorts, and Ed quite frankly didn’t want to start the pull and tug game with Ron about this once again. Not now, not when he had Tom so close again and yet more out of his reach than with an ocean between them.

Luckily Ron wasn’t a daft or tactless person, and aided by his stubbornness about the question of his own unlucky romantic life he circled back to Ed’s problem: “What do you want with him?”

“Ideally?”

“Yes. What would you like to talk to him about, when all this weird avoiding business is cleared up?” 

Ed took a deep breath and let it out. He felt lighter every time he let his thoughts drift that way, to dreams and hopes of future that against all odds seemed to be waiting for him now. If he had ever had any doubts about the righteousness of his kind of a future or hesitancy about chasing that, the war had done away with them. He had seen so much, so much evil and suffering and death, and he had felt fear and despair so deep even the memory of them made him quake. 

He wasn’t about to spend the rest of his life with a fear like that. He wasn’t going to let it dictate his life and future for him. No, come what may, he was going to continue to be bold. It couldn’t be that bad, and after all this horridness, he was going to balance it out.

“What I would like is to go back to the States together,” Ed said. “We’d find a place and then have long, ordinary lives together.”

“You want to marry him, basically.”

“I don’t need things like that, but essentially, yes,” Ed admitted. He hadn’t seen too many happy marriages in his life, and love like his and Tom’s had never existed in many of them, so he considered them above things like that. What he did want, was to be bound together. “We’ll have to talk about it though, like if he wants to study and where, or what kind of work we’d like to do. I also need to do research into what would be the best for our kind of people, a big city or a less urban area. Both have their up- and downsides, and I’m not sure…” 

“I’d say city,” Ron said. “Even with the cops, privacy comes easier there. And if you already are together, you don’t need to go cruising and risks are considerably lower.” 

“Point. But I like the idea of us living in a house together. I’ve had enough of cramped spaces and noise through thin walls. I’d like to give him a house, with a nice kitchen and a garden and enough room for guests.” 

“I can imagine you picking curtains.”

“You don’t know what love is until that’s your fantasy.”

Ron chuckled but didn’t argue. “Alright, Mr Sappy. And how do you plan to bring this up to him?” 

Ed came back to Earth rather harshly at that. Truth be told, he had imagined them jumping right into bed immediately and then going for at least three rounds. Ed was so pent up he was certain he could just keep going and going until he had Tom pleasured into delirium, pliant and whining in the sheets, oversensitive and marked up good. Then he would lie down beside him and pull him close, pet his beautiful chestnut hair and give him light, calming kisses while they savoured the afterglow together.

Then, as simple as that, Ed would say that he wanted to do this forever. That he wanted to go back to the States and find a bed and put Tom in that, and that bed into a house and make that house a part of a life, and they’d be together just like this. That Ed wanted to know Tom in every way, day by day, and give him all of his time on Earth. 

It wouldn’t be marriage, but in his opinion he didn’t need vows or a ceremony or a piece of paper. He didn’t think much of medals or titles or the works, but the world of the actions put behind those. If two people promised each other everything and then backed up the words, that would be all he needed. He had love like that to give, and he would be overjoyed to give all his time too. 

But now he didn’t know where Tom stood with this, and even though it was painful, Ed had to admit that they weren’t joined so profoundly that he could just assume what Tom was thinking. He would have to ask, and, he encouraged himself, if he truly wanted to have a life together with him, it would be good to learn to do that. 

“I think I’ll ask him,” Ed said out loud.

Ron snorted. “I sure hope you would.”

“I will. I will be nice about it. I think…” he paused for a second, thoughts whirring. The tactician in him took the wheel, and for a moment Ed considered the map of their relationship where Tom was not his enemy but an ally who had been lost in difficult terrain. He would have to find him, figure out his status and re-establish communications. “I think I’m going to propose a timing, then say my piece and let him worry about his own part. Yeah, that’s what I’m going to do.”

“Like I told you to,” Ron commented, a bit too smug to Ed’s taste, who sat up again so he could narrow his eyes at him.

“You should take your own advice,” Ed needled.

Ron feigned ignorance. “Surprise him with a blowjob?”

Ed rolled his eyes. “You know what? Give it a go.” 

*

Tom turned out to be hard one to get a hold of. Even when Ed had been full of confidence about his plan of action three days ago on the balcony, the avoiding that was more and more obviously happening made its blows on it. It was impossible to get Tom alone, and at first Ed just thought it was because he seemed to have taken it upon himself to solve Easy’s supply troubles – or more like the entire battalion’s supply troubles, as it seemed considering how much stuff Tom was overseeing and inventorying and drawing distribution plans for – but it wasn’t just that.

No one worked as much as Tom insisted on himself. Even Major Winters who seemed to be incapable of having fun spent time sunning by the lake and swimming, even following Nixon and Welsh to their poker parties even though he didn’t gamble or drink. The only times Ed caught Tom on free time was when they ate, and one evening at the officers’ club, but even then they were surrounded by others and Tom seemed to be more interested in talking about official business with Ron, who was visibly irritated when Lieutenant Lipton’s attention shifted from him to Tom and the two aired their grievances of their hungry underlings at him together. 

It seemed that Ed needed to take more of an offensive. He took Ron’s advice about not piling his own worries on Tom without knowing anything and decided to act. Even if Tom was avoiding him, Ed knew him well enough to plan an ambush. 

Even if supplies were here and there and you could never find the officer organizing them, the reports all ended up in the same place: The office at the battalion HQ.

On Saturday morning, Ed put on a clean shirt, combed his hair as if he was going to a club (he wasn’t), dapped three drops of cologne he had looted for himself on their way through Germany, and then fully geared up went to execute his ambush at the Battalion HQ. 

He didn’t have to wait long, because by ten o’clock Tom was there with a bunch of fresh reports, confidently skipping up the stairs to turn them over to Easy’s command, and from his vantage point in the corner of the entrance hall Ed watched him go. 

When Tom disappeared into one of the offices, Ed got up from his place, walked to the bottom of the stairs and stayed there in a blind spot when looked from the top, and waited.

Tom came down not five minutes later, and the moment he reached the bottom of the stairs, Ed stepped up next to him and touched his arm.

Tom startled, nearly yelped and jumped back. Ed was amused for a second, but then Tom’s wild eyes searched and found the one who had scared him, and when they met Ed’s they widened and a stark flush rose to Tom’s face.

Ed didn’t like the omens, but he stuck to the plan. “Hi.”

“Hi,” Tom breathed back.

They continued their way out, side by side in awkward silence.

“I have something to discuss with you,” Ed said as soon as they stepped out.

Tom kept his chin up but his expression was very serious and he stared right ahead as he walked like he was trying to not look at Ed. “Okay,” he said like that was his only choice.

Ed didn’t let his rigidness slow him down. He was determined to solve this. “But not now. Meet me at seven PM tomorrow in front of Hotel Kaprun. Is that alright with you?”

Tom couldn’t help but glance at him, and Ed was pleased to see that he looked careful but intrigued, so talking alone with him wasn’t a completely objectionable thing.

“Yes,” Tom agreed. 

“Good. See you then,” Ed said, and with that left Tom alone, parting ways and striding back to Company CP on his own.

Ed didn’t bother to knock when he burst into the captain’s office, where he found Ron sitting on his desk with a tray with a coffee pot and two cups on it. Sometimes Ed thought that Ron had an uncanny instinct for things in battle, but when he demonstrated the intuition outside it, it caught him off guard.

Ed had his mouth open and was ready to take his anxiety off his shoulders and onto his friend, but stopped before the sight of Ron balancing two china coffee cups in one hand and pouring coffee with the other.

“Come on, out with it,” Ron said while glancing to him in the doorway. “And close the door.”

“Right,” Ed said, snapping out of it and pulling the door close behind him. 

Ron reached to hand him the cup, which he accepted before sitting next to him on the desk. 

The days were getting hotter, and even Ron had unbuttoned a few buttons of his sand-coloured uniform shirt in the heat of the office. The window was open too to let the occasional breeze in, but it didn’t do much to make the room less sweltering.

Ed took a sip from the cup and looked out of the window. You could see the shimmering, blue lake from there as sky-blue glitter behind the roofs of the town, a truly tempting sight in the summer heat.

“So I asked him to meet with me tomorrow,” he started, eyes focused on the lake.

“Uh-huh. And what do you plan to do then?” Ron asked.

A burst of frustration left from the stilted conversation boiled over when Ed answered. “I don’t know! I need to, uh, take him somewhere, I suppose? But where, that’s the question. I want it to be just the two of us, but I want it to be somewhere nice and beautiful.”

“So not the pantry or the basement,” Ron summed up for him and scoffed lightly, “and not a poker party or the officer’s club.”

“Well I can hardly make a romantic date happen in a closet or with an audience, so…” 

“Yes, I can see your point,” Ron agreed but made no suggestions of his own. 

They sat in silence for a minute, side by side on the desk while staring out of the window. It was really a beautiful day in a long string of beautiful days. Ed couldn’t have imagined anything like Kaprun and its Alpine beauty. He had seen travel adverts and postcards in passing back in the States, sure, but to really be there was unreal. 

“I wouldn’t know where to take a guy even back home. Not for something like this,” Ed said and felt stress bubbling up. He had a bad case of nerves and wondered how he had been so calm in front of Tom. Probably by simply charging forward and not thinking too much, and now he had time to doubt his own plan that wasn’t much of a plan at all.

“That’s because you have moved on from being a young rascal chasing hook-ups. You’re a grown man now and you want to get married, so of course that’s a challenge. I doubt the normal guys propose to their girls at the same place they fog up car windows,” Ron muttered back, and although it sounded he was joking he did seem thoughtful, and Ed appreciated the support. 

He also took the cue and lowered his voice. “I want it to feel special. Even if he wants to ditch me,” he explained.

Ron nodded solemnly. “Ah yes, the last hoorah. Either forever or never again. It’s dramatic, I like it.” 

“You would. Life is nothing but a theatre stage to you, o’ Centurion.” 

“Lucky for you, we’re in a quiet Alpine paradise,” Ron continued, bypassing the jab at him. “Just go outside. Everywhere here is beautiful. Just wander a bit outside the town and you have ancient groves and the lakeside and mountain paths. Just take a pick, you can’t go wrong. There’s enough space and even privacy so that you’re probably okay if you want to consummate your union right then there.”

Ed snorted at the suggestion, but otherwise Ron was speaking wise words, and something clicked in place in Ed’s mind and he calmed down. Tom appreciated beauty, and one didn’t need to be completely run down by months of combat to admire Kaprun. Ed’s spirit soared; back home guys were taking their girls to the pictures or restaurants or parks, and here he was, taking his sweetheart to an actual paradise in a far-away land. 

Still, he couldn’t resist the joke: “Sir, are you seriously encouraging me to behave indecently? I am a known heterosexual, my medical exam says so. There was a box I crossed myself, and who would lie to the state on an official form?”

Ron hummed in mock seriousness. “Maybe so, but there are beautiful men everywhere and they tempt even the best of us,” he said. “Besides, any complaints about you must come through me, so if that happens, I’ll just shoot the man.”

“Oh, please don’t do that. We’re having supply troubles after all, we can’t waste ammo like that.”

*

The next day went past slower than any one before. Ed swore he hadn’t felt the time crawling past like that even when he had been missing Tom and wondering about the absence of letters. He got no work done that day and could only wish the hour he himself had set would come so that he could stop compulsively grooming his hair or fiddling with his buttons. During the war there had been months when he hadn’t seen himself in a mirror, and on that day he missed it because he shaved twice and worried about his haircut more than he had when he had been fifteen and crushing on a boy in his chess club. 

He shined his boots for the first time since last inspection and felt absolutely ridiculous while doing it. As if Tom would be looking at his feet, or as if his feelings or his answer would change because of the state of Ed’s boots. 

Around five he was so positive he would go crazy that he went to look for Ron in order to distract himself and gather courage, but when he finally spotted him at the terrace of the hotel, he was alone with Lipton, apparently deep in conversation. Lipton was leaning over the table between them in a very promising way, so Ed decided to let the chips fall where they may and left them be. 

If anything, Lipton warming up to Ron was a good omen and Ed let that cheer himself up. 

The heat wasn’t quite as oppressive anymore when Tom came to meet him. Ed had been half an hour early because he simply could not be, and Tom came to the meeting place in a light jog ten minutes before the hour.

“I’m sorry, did you have to wait?” he asked despite being early. 

Ed glanced him over quickly. He was flushed from running and just as tidy and beautiful as always. He was wearing his uniform trousers and the button down with the tie folded inside, the lieutenant’s bars shining on his collar. His chestnut hair was in their natural light waves but combed with some sort of a product to a place and not even his cap could disturb the perfection, and his handsome, delicate face was cleanshaven. He looked just like his usual self and not special at all, because Tom looked special always. 

Ed felt awkward in his own gruffness, how he knew it was impossible to get completely rid of the bluish shadow of his beard or do anything special with his dark brown, thick and ordinary hair. Next to Tom’s casual dress Ed felt overdressed with the Ike-jacket and his polished boots. He wondered if all his fussing was really about trying to match Tom, to be worthy of his company and look like they were meant to be seen together. 

Ron seemed to think the army was a romantic bonding place for men and enjoyed the social side immensely, and while Ed shared the comfort of spending time in exclusively male company, he did worry about the world outside of that. Would a man like Tom be seen in Ed’s company if they hadn’t been thrown together by the army? Would a good Catholic boy from a well-to-do family even look twice at a gruff and shabby boy who wore hand-me-down clothes and visited a dozen different stores in tow of his mother for the best bargains to make the penny stretch just a bit more? 

“It’s fine, you’re early,” Ed replied and tugged at the hem of his jacket that felt suddenly heavy and uncomfortable on him despite having looked so handsome in the mirror. 

Tom smiled. He stood in front of Ed and casually put his hands in his pockets, a nervous habit he couldn’t help despite it going against regulations, and just at that Ed’s mood soared. He remembered that smile from Holland. 

“Where are we going?” Tom asked. 

“On a walk. Come, I’ll show you,” Ed said and shook off the earlier doubts. He needed his courage to do battle, and he always faced it head on. There was no reason for this to be any different. 

“Alright,” Tom agreed, and when Ed started walking down the cobblestone street away from the hotel and down the hill, he fell easily in step with him.

The town itself was beautiful. The houses were built with wood and painted gorgeously in a multitude of colours. The Alpine architecture was a fun mixture of sturdy and delicate, heavy beams and steep roofs wedded to delicate carvings and decorations in the window shutters and balconies and windowpanes. Many houses had small gardens, and even though Ed could tell they were more out of necessity than hobbies just like when his mother had planted potatoes and carrots and salad in their backyard, they were still lovely. 

“You wanted to talk to me about something?” Tom said after they had strolled down the streets for a minute. 

Ed was little bit caught off guard. He hadn’t counted on Tom going for the offensive in this, but immediately after he was happy that at least he wouldn’t be avoiding the topic now. Still, he couldn’t help but wonder if he just wanted this to be over quickly. 

“Yes, but I want to walk a bit more first. We have time, and I haven’t seen you in a while,” Ed replied and stole a glance at Tom when he made the comment. 

Tom had a meek expression on his face and said nothing. He must have felt the time between them too, but it was impossible to guess what he thought about it.

Ed told himself to be patient. “Nevermind that now. Have you taken any time to see the sights? All I’ve seen you do is count supplies, arrange our storages and write reports when everyone else barely bothers to report to the guard duty from exploring, drinking and fooling around.”

Tom bit his lip. “No, not really. Like you said, I’ve worked. I didn’t want to just treat this like another furlough when there’s work to be done.”

They were making their way down a rather steep hillside towards the edge of town, and little by little the yards around houses grew bigger and there were more and more trees, more than just lining the streets. After a while the street under their feet turned into an unpaved road that lead them towards the woods. 

“That’s very much like you, but you don’t need to stress so much. Everyone’s being more laid back, even the upper brass. There’s so much to see around here too. You should join the rest of the officers when we have a game night or take a daytrip to the lake. Ron is organizing all sorts of stuff for the men to keep them out of too much trouble,” Ed chatted away, voicing more than a casual invite and reassuring Tom that he was welcome. He hoped he picked up on the subtext that he especially wanted him there, that none of the beauty and fun felt as sweet as it would have with Tom there. 

Ed led them off the road into a walking trail through the woods. He glanced again towards Tom so see his reaction when they were engulfed into the glorious greenery of the woods. Ancient, knobby-trunked oaks and mighty maples leaned over the path that became almost like a tunnel through the overwhelming, rich wilderness, and the thick roof of leaves filtered all sunlight into greenish hue and spots of gold. 

Rays of sunlight glimmered in Tom’s hair, and with his beautiful features he seemed to belong there in the woods, like a nymph or a fae creature, which was fitting since forever was what Ed was looking for. But the expression on Tom’s face was reluctant, even when he did glance around and took in the beauty surrounding them. 

“That’s fitting for combat soldiers,” Tom said quietly.

Ed frowned. “Yeah, that’s what we are. You too, in case you haven’t forgotten,” he joked. 

“I haven’t forgotten!” Tom said, far too seriously to the joke, and the jest grew sour for Ed too. 

“I know,” he replied, frowning again. 

Tom flushed suddenly, apparently realizing that he had taken Ed’s light-hearted joke more seriously than he had meant it. He looked embarrassed and closed off as he did every time he thought he blundered socially, and Ed was too focused on the hurt he had dug up to reassure him. 

“I’m saying you could join us now that there’s time. I want you to join us. For three months I’ve mostly had only Ron for friendly company, and his thoughts are often elsewhere,” Ed explained, in passing wondering if Tom had picked up on Ron and could piece together where exactly his thoughts had gone. Ed certainly could and hoped Ron would take the rest of himself in the same direction and stop moping around, he scared the replacements with his moods and huffing and puffing under the weight of his heavy heart.

“Ah, Captain Speirs,” Tom said, his voice turning meeker. “Well, for men like you and him free time surely is earned.”

The evening sun wasn’t that much cooler than during the day, but it was slightly chilly in the shade of the woods and the path before them while smooth had many turns and shadows on it. 

“Tom,” Ed asked gently, “what’s bothering you?” 

This startled Tom. His shoulders jumped, and before he could stop himself he had wrapped his arms defensively around himself and thrown a wide-eyed look at Ed, who just looked back with his brows raised.

“You thought I didn’t notice?” Ed asked, a hint of a smile on his face even when he wasn’t that amused. “You come back after three months away from us and say nothing, then I run into you and you say barely two words to me, and then avoid me. Something’s bothering you, I can tell. We might not have known each other that long, but you are incredibly easy to read.”

“I – I haven’t been avoiding you!” Tom said, stuttering slightly, and the hurt look at the mere suggestion convinced Ed that he meant it. “I’ve been working for the sake of the company. You said you noticed! It’s got nothing to do with you, of course I wanted to come and see you, but…“ His voice dwindled and he fell silent. They were still strolling down the path, and Ed knew the uncertain look on Tom’s face. That was when he was thinking something too much and getting himself into more trouble than the subject was worth.

He sidestepped a bit to give Tom a friendly nudge of his shoulder and gently encouraged him: “Tell me, then. I’m listening. This is what I wanted to speak to you about. I missed you, you know. Not one letter, not even a word from you reached me, and then you don’t talk to me. Come on, whatever it is, I want to hear it.”

Tom flushed again and looked uncomfortable. He pressed his hand first onto his mouth and then to his cheek, and made a worried grumbling sound. “I’m sorry, Ed,” he said quietly. “I meant to write, I swear.” 

“Why didn’t you?” 

Tom’s blush grew deeper. It was a spotty rue kind of a blush, something that reminded Ed of a painfully awkward schoolboy, too polite to defend himself against rude accusations. It made Ed want to take him in his arms and hug that discomfort out of him, but it wasn’t time for that yet. 

His silence was the right kind for Tom, who took a deep breath and then tried to explain himself.

“I tried writing, many times. It just… It sounded so stupid, every time. What was I supposed to say? ‘Dear Ed, how are you? I have been to many events here and saluted many generals. How’s Bastogne?’ Or, ‘Dear Ed, I helped my mother bake a cake, there’s butter in our pantry again. How’s war going for you? Have you done many amazing things in combat lately?’, or even ‘Dear Ed, I don’t know how to sleep in bed anymore and I miss you, hope you’re not dead’ – “ He choked on his words suddenly, too awful to even think about. 

Tom looked like he had suddenly lost his voice and took a few nervous, gasping breaths, then pressed his knuckles against his mouth and forcibly shook his head like he could force his thoughts into a better order that way. Then he cleared his throat and gave Ed a polite but stiff smile.

“No, I couldn’t write. It just felt so… Stupid,” he said. “I don’t know how women do it, but then again they are supposed to be back holding up the homefront, and I was supposed to be there with you. But I… I…” 

Something else was on his mind too, and Ed couldn’t bear to watch him wring the words out of his throat while his face wore a miserable frown that made him look downright tormented. 

There was something good about the woods, something that made Ed perhaps foolhardy, but he let himself step closer to Tom and gently pry away the arm he had still wrapped around himself and clutching his gut like it hurt. Tom threw him a questioning look, but Ed simply straightened his arm and took his hand in his, pressing it against his side instead. 

“I’m glad I got you out of there and nothing in the world will make me feel sorry for that,” Ed swore quietly under his breath while squeezing Tom’s hand in his. “The less you suffer, the better. Damn, the less anyone suffers makes it better in my book. I would feel the same if it were anyone else. This world doesn’t need any more suffering, for anyone’s or anything’s sake.”

Tom looked back at him with a defiant spark in his eyes, but there was a sad twitch around his mouth too that told Ed he couldn’t help but to understand his point. It made Ed smile. Tom often tried to argue his point, but was too understanding and compassionate to actually make a firm stand and lose no ground to his opponent. It was one of his best sides, but no doubt frustrating to himself. 

Case in point, Tom let out of harsh puff of air and turned his gaze away in a show of rebellion, even when his hand squeezed back and he let Ed pull him to his side as they continued down the curving forest path. Evening sun was starting to turn warm orange, and the colour was made deeper by the green leaves above them, and Ed couldn’t help but to admire how the warmer and warmer gold made Tom’s wavy hair look unbelievably shiny and soft. 

“I understand how you feel,” Tom started, his voice level and serious again. “But that’s the thing. I’m not –” He hesitated, searching for words or perhaps gathering up the courage to speak them aloud. “I’m not like you. Or like Speirs. I’m not a great, fierce fighting man.” 

Ed frowned. “Of course you are.”

“No, I am not,” Tom argued back and threw him a dark, frustrated look. “I’m not… Brave, or smart, or calm and determined under fire. I know I’m not, and I know that all the others think so too. No matter how hard I try, how badly I want to be like you, I just am not. I hit a wall here, and I just am not a real, proper combat soldier.”

He sounded deeply bitter, like the realization like that had torn him up deeper than he would have liked, perhaps yanked him down from whatever ambitious wave he had ridden to the army. He stared down on the ground in front of him as they walked, and Ed suspected Tom hadn’t realized exactly how hard he was squeezing his hand back. 

“You are just so amazing,” Tom said, his voice gone so soft and even quieter. “I’ve seen you at work up close, how determined and confident you are, how you never let anyone bring you down but keep your mind focused and clear. Even when your men give you trouble, mock you or roll their eyes at you, or when they don’t follow your orders and just keep screwing around, you stay focused on the goal and keep your head. You take care of them and give them direction without any self-doubt, and they follow you. Everyone, and that includes the enlisted men, have noticed how the first platoon takes the smallest number of casualties, and we all know it’s not because you’re lucky or cowardly, it’s because you are a great leader who’s always in control of the situation.” 

Ed didn’t know what to say. He hadn’t ever been so flooded with praise, not from anyone, not even from Tom, and he hadn’t got the faintest clue what to do with even a fraction of what he was getting.

Tom wasn’t done either. “I can see why you are such good friends with Speirs. You are both so singular, confident and never afraid of walking your own path. There isn’t anyone who’d hesitate to follow either one of you into combat. You are so similar, both so brave and fierce and competent – “ 

Ed was feeling a bit bad about himself now; he hadn’t realized how perceptive Tom was. His friendship with Ron had still been more casual when he and Tom had met, as they had known each other as officers of the same battalion but couldn’t spend much time together due to being from different companies. Then again, he hadn’t ever pegged himself or Ron for that matter as anything more special than just regular if competent people doing their best. Actually he was quite amazed by the trust Tom was willing to put in Ron, whom Ed sometimes worried about being a little more on the side of crazy rather than brave. 

He hadn’t thought Tom would be thinking any of that so much, let alone comparing himself to anyone. Comparing himself to Ron – a comparison so absurd that Ed hadn’t even considered it. 

Tom clearly had though. He shrugged like trying to shake off his worries, or at least make the weight of them on his shoulders rest easier. 

“ – and I just can’t match that. I’m not sure I’m worthy of standing by the side of someone like you,” Tom finished, his voice painfully earnest, and a touch of the earlier blush was back on his cheeks as his shoulders slumped in something like defeat he admitted against himself.

Ed’s thoughts reeled. If someone was unworthy, it was him, that was what he had thought. 

Suddenly Tom’s shoulders jumped back into a defiant square and he turned to look straight at Ed, something fierce burning behind that blue and brown. “But I can do this. I can handle supplies. I know organizing, I know storage management, and I know all the tricks and tells that go in the delivery chain, and I might not be much use in combat, but I can do this! I can earn my place here and if there’s work this suitable for me, I will do it, I will do it for the whole division if need be – “

“Tom,” Ed interrupted gently, and nothing harsher than that was needed for Tom to bite back the flood of declaration coming out even if that didn’t temper the flame in his eyes. Ed didn’t want to temper it, he loved that fire. 

They had arrived at the edge of the woods where trees gave way to the grassy banks and soft sands at the edge of the lake. It was nearing sundown, but still the wide lake Kaprun glimmered with the colours of the sky in front of them, and the late hour that was already cooler than the midday heat gifted them an empty beach. 

Ed stepped out of the woods down the grass bank and stood in front of Tom, holding their linked hands between them. 

“Tom, you don’t need to prove yourself to anyone,” Ed said gently, “least of all to me.” 

It did little to calm Tom. “But –” 

“I can see how hard you try, and you have done an alright job. That is enough. Yes, you might not be a natural born soldier like Ron is, but as a fellow platoon leader, I haven’t worried whether or not you do your job. It’s been okay,” Ed assured him, stressing every honest word. “You don’t need to be a genius or a great hero. This is just a duty, and you have fulfilled it. To me, all that matters is that you are still here, alive and well.”

The look on Tom’s face was unreadable and he blinked back at Ed, clearly at loss of words. Ed could tell that this conversation wasn’t going as he had planned, and Ed could definitely relate to that, but he wouldn’t let go of Tom’s hand before he had said his piece. 

“Don’t think I don’t see how hard you work. Of course I know you can handle the supplies. I know that you are organized and smart like that. It is impressive and important,” Ed said, because it was true and Tom deserved to be certain of that. “But all I wanted, all I needed from you, was for you to come back to me. That is all. I just wanted you.”

Tom’s blush grew deeper and it glowed in the warm evening sun. He looked suddenly softer, the earlier defiance melting away with reluctance but he couldn’t help it, like ice cubes in a glass melting under a summer sun. 

Ed let his thumb caress over Tom’s knuckles. “I’ve missed you,” he confessed. “So much.” 

“Oh,” Tom hiccupped, a wounded little sound that made he reach to touch his mouth briefly like hoping to force the sound back in. He blinked rapidly, clearly moved, and Ed studied closely how his earlier tenseness was slowly turning into a relaxed smile, finally something he knew from before coming out and back to him.

Ed couldn’t help but to smile back. He had been smiling before, the was fairly sure, but now there was a different spark to it as his heart soared to join the one he had chosen again.

He could see that Tom felt it too, because as they peered at each other they were both suddenly a bit coy, a bit flushed, and Tom’s smile turned from uncertain to bashful and sweet. 

“Come,” Ed called him gently and stepped back towards the beach. “Let’s walk some more. I still have things I want to say to you.”

“Okay,” Tom agreed, his voice soft as he peered at Ed underneath his lashes, looking remarkably like the young, beautiful man Ed had picked out from the crowd like a crumb of gold from a mountain stream.

Ed didn’t let go of Tom’s hand, and there was no need to. The lake side was quiet and empty of any rowdy soldiers now, and all its quiet beauty was for them alone. The valley was surrounded by the snow-peaked mountains, and the sun was setting quickly behind them. The swirl of white clouds above them were soaked in the warm orange and sweet pink sunlight, the sky was dimming from blue to soft purple, and in the east there was already a sliver of deep blue, the night rushing towards them. 

All of this was reflected on the timid waves of the lake, its vastness opening before them and reaching to the horizon where the water met the treeline.

It was a captivating sight, but Ed glanced to his side and witnessed Tom’s features taken by wonder. The weather was still warm, the evening breeze light and gentle. 

Tom was too busy being stunned by beauty and wonder and only followed Ed as he pulled him with him to walk along the beach. They didn’t quite go to the waterline, but close enough that their shoes sank into the sand that was taking over the grass the closer to the water you got, and together they listened to the peaceful song of the waves as they rushed to the shore. 

“You know,” Tom said suddenly but speaking almost dreamily, like his mind was somewhere far away, “I missed you too. When I was away. I knew I was safe and I won’t insult you by claiming I wasn’t relieved by that, but a part of me never wanted to part from you, no matter what that meant.” 

In the cooling summer evening and in the most beautiful place on Earth, Ed refused to be reached by Bastogne. “Missed me, did you?” 

Tom hummed a delighted laugh and bumped against Ed’s side. “Oh I did, I really did,” he confessed with a low drop in his voice that didn’t even try to hide the suggestion in it. “I dreamed of you often and woke up to an empty bed every time. I had to take care of myself every time.”

Breath rushed out of Ed at that, the image suddenly too strong. Tom must have heard it, because he sniggered immediately after and leaned onto his side like an affectionate cat as they walked. 

“That’s… I didn’t think I had left so strong an impression,” Ed all but blurted out and felt his face heating up. He had been so confident and come on so strong when he was praising Tom, because of course he had, that was easy, but he had no idea what to do with the blaze of Tom’s bolder side.

He could smell blood in the water too, because in the next moment Tom had turned to him with a bright smile on his lips and his eyes twinkling. “You didn’t, huh?” he teased and pursed his lips at him. “Then you either have a remarkably consistent record as a wonderful lover, or you think that I scream just for anyone and not just for an exceptionally skilled and passionate man? You think I’m so easy?”

“Of course not!” Ed rushed to say, more scandalized at the little joke than he thought he was supposed to be. He would have felt embarrassed by his prudishness, but instead of mocking Tom looked taken aback. The teasing was out of his eyes and they were wide again, open windows to his tender soul.

Emboldened, Ed pushed on the offensive again. “I just thought of you as my sweetheart, but I still didn’t fool myself into thinking that we had made any promises to each other. I waited for you, even when I wasn’t sure if you’d still want me. Or… Only me.”

“Oh, Ed,” Tom sighed, a twist of pain in his voice. “How could I want anyone else? Did you think – There hasn’t been anyone else, not the entire time I’ve known you. No one could compete, and I don’t even want anyone else, you’re… You’re my only one.” 

It felt good to hear it spoken out loud, and some restless part of Ed that had squirmed and turned at the lack of letters was now finally calmed. He felt his heart thumping away in his chest like a drum, making something deep inside him tremble with it. He couldn’t help but to smile up towards the purple and pink evening sky. He felt like he could reach up and pick out one of those first stars on the eastern sky, Tom’s words lifting him so. 

“You know, while you worried about your combat record, I was worrying if someone like you could truly want a man like me,” Ed said, his earlier worries feeling like a joke now, rolling off his tongue easy and light like powdered sugar. “Sure, I can charge at a town, but what does that matter? I’m just an ordinary man from a modest family, I’m loud and strict and gruff, while you probably stepped out of a fresco in Rome.”

Tom huffed a coy laugh and hooked his arm around Ed’s, leaning closer. “As if I cared where you come from as long as you’re here with me now,” he said when he found his words again. “Besides, I like you just the way you are. I think you’re confident and direct. And I just adore this…” As he spoke, he brought up his free hand and gently stroked it along Ed’s cheek, pointedly stroking up against the shadow of his stubble he just couldn’t get rid of and continued up until his fingers sank into Ed’s thick, unruly hair. 

There was a pleased smile and a hint of teeth biting onto Tom’s lip when he caressed Ed, nothing short of adoration in his eyes. His expression was gentle and dreamy as his gaze followed his fingers when he mapped out what he saw and liked, and Ed was confident Tom would run his hands over every inch of his body given time and opportunity. 

The thought made him warm to his core, and that something that was trembling to the beat of his heart found solid ground and safety in the warmth Tom’s adoration brought to him. 

The pace of their stride had slowed down considerably and finally they came to a still. They stood at the cape of the lake, hundreds of yards away from the little forest opening to the beach, the sky darkening and deep above them and the lake before them reflecting up a deep purple.

Ed didn’t even need to pull, but Tom leaned into him on his own like he belonged there. 

“There was something else I meant to say,” Ed said, turning towards Tom who simply leaned against his chest. “Or ask you, more like.”

“Yeah? What is it?” Tom asked as he nestled his head on Ed’s shoulder. 

“Well, just that I…” Ed started and listened to the tremor of his own voice. Confident and direct, now was he? Brave, even? He couldn’t say if he was any of that, but he was here, and knew that the only way onward from this paradise would require honesty. That was the way to take a piece of this heaven with him.

“Just that I’m in love with you, and I want to spend my life with you,” Ed said nonchalantly and shrugged the shoulder Tom was not resting his fair head on. 

It was quiet and still for a moment, only the rhythmic lapping of the waves and the evening song of a bird someway in the woods disturbing the silence. 

Tom carefully lifted his head from Ed’s shoulder to look him in the eye, his own wide and misty. His head tilted gently to a side. “Ed, do you mean it?” he asked softly. “You love me?”

Ed felt uncouth and awkward, his chest cracked open and his heart unbearably vulnerable, but then again if he could let one person see into his deepest self, he’d trust it to be his gentle-hearted Tom. He looked back at Tom and gave a stiff nod.

The mist in Tom’s eyes grew along with his trembling smile and for a second he blinked furiously to clear them. “Oh, that’s… Ah,” he choked out, rosy colour rising to his cheeks that must have ached from smiling. He took a deep breath, his warm fingers sliding down Ed’s arm until he could fit them between his fingers and take a hold of him. “I love you too,” he muttered so quietly under his breath Ed wouldn’t have heard the words if Tom had spoken them anywhere except directly to his ear. “Yes, I want to… I want to keep this, please, I want to go back home with you and I want to learn everything about you. Would you let me come live with you, is that what you’re asking?”

Ed let his fingers slide gently against Tom’s hand, then hold it. He didn’t want to clutch him, but to just hold, hold him gently and with care like he intended to for as long as he would allow him. 

“Yeah, that’s what I’m asking. Proposing, if you will,” Ed said.

Tom made a high squealing noise and buried his face into Ed’s shoulder, and suddenly his hand was gone from Ed’s and both of his arms were thrown around his shoulders as Tom clung to him. There was a burst of muffled laughter against Ed’s shoulder and Tom squeezed him harder, and after a moment he propped his chin up on Ed’s shoulder.

Ed chuckled at the outburst and wrapped his own arms around Tom’s waist, holding him against him and let him have his moment while he waited for the answer, although he could make a pretty good guess based on the reaction alone.

Tom gave another airy laugh and swayed in Ed’s arms. “Yes,” he almost sang out, “Yes, I will spend my life with you.” It sounded so bare, the naked desire for something so pure and simple, that the words itself came out with the simple intensity of a prayer. 

Ed pressed his face into Tom’s hair. “Darling,” he sighed into it.

Tom leaned back, and Ed let him without unfurling his arms. Tom looked into his eyes with unbound bliss in his own and gently touched Ed’s cheek. 

It was like an understanding when they leaned forward at the same time and met in a kiss. It was soft but heated, the first one they had shared since the nightmarish winter that in that moment felt exactly like it, a bad dream Ed had woken up from and was instead greeted with love, safe and sound in a place with only beauty and peace. 

Tom still tasted like he remembered, just purely himself, no tobacco or beer on his tongue, just a desirable mouth of an honest man. His kiss was still eager and open, trusting and without pretence. Tom had always kissed him like a lover, from the very first time when they had been nothing but strangers sharing only a uniform and duty. When a man was in Tom’s arms he was cherished as sweetly as a real partner, but you wouldn’t know it unless you kept coming back to him. 

It had been simply chance and convenience, a chance taken on simple kindness that Ed had come back to him, and along that stroke of luck realized that what he was holding in his arms was something so special he couldn’t bear to let him go. 

Tom still inhaled deep through his nose when he kissed so that he could kiss as long and deep for as long as was possible. Ed had dreamed of the way his fingers now slid into his hair and caressed a path down to cup his jaw.

When they ran out of air, they gasped apart, open mouths against one another. 

“I missed kissing you,” Ed breathed into Tom’s mouth.

Tom hummed, pleased, and his fingers stroked behind Ed’s ear. “Kiss me again, then.”

Ed didn’t need to be told twice. He had a feeling he would be doing that a lot and had no problem with it becoming second nature to him, as natural as breathing. He would let his love grow and take root deep inside him and make flowers that turned into sweet fruit to sustain his life with. 

Tom deserved that. He deserved the acceptance, compassion and understanding he had in him to be returned, and Ed was going to pour more than enough of that into his life. Judging by the little keening noise Tom made inside his chest when Ed pressed into his mouth, he was off to a good start and couldn’t resist holding Tom around the waist a little tighter and lifting him off the ground just a bit. 

A weight of his world in his arms. The kiss broke when Tom let out a delighted laugh at being handled like that, and Ed found himself grinning in response, too wide to kiss anymore. The sight of Tom grinning down at him, his perfect hair fluffed up in disarray and eyes crinkling with laughter was sweeter anyway. 

It was dark when they started to make their way back towards the hotel, and in that darkness they could walk holding hands. The quiet, empty beach under the velvet blue sky with a scattering of bright stars felt gentle and accepting of them, beautiful just for them, and even when the night turned chilly its bite wasn’t mean.

Tom shivered in only his button down, and Ed shook off his jacket and put it on his shoulders. 

Even though the woods were dark, the deep blue of the night sky was slightly visible through the leaves, and the pale sand of the path almost shone in the darkness, and following it was easy.

Tom’s hand was still in Ed’s, and the other one was holding the jacket over his shoulders. “I feel like a prom date,” he joked and laughed, slightly coy but unmistakably delighted. 

“I can pretend to be a well-mannered youth then,” Ed chuckled back, and Ed snorted. 

They had to let go of each other when they came back to town, but Tom made no gesture of letting go of Ed’s jacket, and Ed didn’t care about asking it back either. It wasn’t a crime to lend your jacket to your fellow soldier, and even if someone had anything to say about that, who where they going to complain to?

Ron? Unlikely. The thought of Ron made Ed snort to himself, and Tom gave him a questioning glance.

“Nothing, I was just thinking… Ron wished me good luck and told me not to worry about being subtle.” Ed nodded at his jacket to make a point of subtle about what exactly, and the quirk of Tom’s brows told him that he understood. “He told me he’d have my back if anyone made any complaints,” Ed said. Then, because he had thought it was impressive, he mentioned: “You haven’t ever wondered about Ron and me, have you?”

Tom raised his brows at him and gave a dry smirk, spelling out exactly what he thought of such a thing. “No, I haven’t worried,” he said with a self-satisfied chuckle. “I know what you like, and Speirs isn’t that. You like pretty,” he whispered, eyelashes batting and a knowing gleam in his eyes.

Ed couldn’t help but to laugh and nod, he was exactly right, and Tom lifted his chin up, proud and pleased with himself.

“Besides,” Tom added, “he isn’t as brave in life as he’s on the battlefield, I’ve heard.”

Ed huffed the last of his laughter and wiped the corners of his eyes. “What do you mean?”

“I mean that I spoke with Carwood again today and he’s starting to grow tired of dropping hints and waiting,” Tom said with a roll of his eyes. “I told him to go to Speirs’ room, lock the door and sit on him. That ought to set him… well, not straight, but you know.” 

Ed opened his mouth and closed it again without knowing what to say. He would have had another laughing fit if he wasn’t so impressed. “You… are amazing.”

Tom just shrugged. “I do what I can.”

There were many lights shining from the hotel’s windows and noises of music, conversation and laughter wrapped together coming from the ballroom when they came back, but the entry hall was empty. Without a hurry they made their way to the stairs and the second floor, leaving the noise of the party below them. 

The corridors upstairs were dim and empty, and when Ed was sure it was just the two of them, he turned to ask: “Will you come to my room? We should celebrate.”

“I don’t know, it depends,” Tom said, pretending to think it over, “Is there something nice for me?”

“Well, I have a very good bottle of vintage Champagne and a bed for two,” Ed offered, playing along.

Tom made a display of looking coy, wrapping Ed’s jacket over his shoulders tighter and bowing his head, but at the same time he had a downright heated spark in his eyes and a smile on his lips that Ed knew to worry about. Quickly Tom glanced left and right to check that the coast was clear, then offered his hand delicately to Ed.

“Lead the way then, my groom.” 

Ed wasn’t prepared how hard that word would hit him. It was a shot through the heart, powerful enough to knock the breath out of him, and endlessly precious. It must have shown on his face, because the devious playfulness on Tom’s face faltered a little and turned genuinely coy and tender, but Ed simply reached for his hand again.

That was what he had asked for, and that was what he was offered. Taking it was only right.


End file.
